Monthly Archives: April 2006

Found on another blog

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From Phyllis-Bobo’s blog:

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Thought it was interesting…while I’m waiting for the last load of laundry to dry.

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The weekend’s over

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It’s been an interesting weekend. Time to reflect on the week, look forward to the bone marrow biopsy coming up (not!), and try to relax.

Saturday morning we have a great Bible study at Coffee Rush (Ray and Dobson in Chandler). Sorry, though, it’s just us men. Anyhoo, we studied 2 Corinthians 13, and there’s stuff in there that I immediately relate to. It talks about man’s weakness making God’s power perfect in our lives, and I relate because of my work. Each day at work, I’m lucky to get 5-6 hours of real productive work at my desk. Even though fatigue has a lot to do with it, a lot of that is also because I do a lot of special projects, and also because I am also a magnet for people that need help doing their job (which I’m glad to do.) However, I was told this week that my numbers are consistently at the top of my team. I make no apologies for saying that it’s God working through me to do this…because I’m just too weak right now to take credit for it. Yes, I’ve been there a while, and yes, I know the job. But it seems like every case I get has a pretty clear path to take…and to take credit for that would be extremely presumptuous on my part. Thank God!

Saturday night I saw Amelie with Pat and Leslie, and also had some delicious Rosati’s Pizza. I am really blessed to have them for friends. I then went to another friend’s house and watched Titanic….until way too late at night. Guess it was just a movies kind of weekend.

Sunday (today) I got to help with lights at my church. Every Sunday I go to my church (Cornerstone Christian Fellowship), I get more and more thankful that I get to not only benefit from this ministry, but also participate in some small way with this outreach. Construction continues to make progress, and hopefully we’ll be in our new building by the end of the year.

After church, I’ve just been resting and doing miscellaneous stuff around the house, including laundry. And now it’s 8:00 at night, and time for me to get going. Thanks again for listening to me blather on…and may God continue to bless you and yours.

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Random brain droppings from work

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Hello there, sports fans. Hope you’re doing well.

Just got a call from my doctor’s office, apparently I have an appointment tomorrow that I forgot. No biggie, just means I have to go to work an hour early, get off an hour early, drive to north Phoenix, and then fight traffic all the way home. Note to self: make sure car is stocked with plenty of CDs.

I’m not quite sure what to think about my physical state these days. On the one hand, when I think about it, I get distressed because I am definitely getting more tired. I don’t know if it’s because I seem to be doing more, but normally I could do whatever I wanted, and then just crash later. However, it seems that there is no ‘later’, and it always seems like I’m recouping from something or other. Part of me wants to take a couple of days off to try and tidy up the place just a bit, but another part of me knows that I would probably just lay in bed all day and do nothing. Oh, and right now I’m almost totally horizontal in my chair, listening to laughing coworkers as they pass my desk.

But on the other hand, there’s almost something peaceful about the way I feel. Not resignation, like I’ve given up, but almost like what I’m going through just doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. If you’ve been reading my blatherings here, you’ll see that I have faith in God, and I know that everything will eventually work to His benefit, and I guess I have a certain amount of peace about that. I really believe that the weekend, while very tiring to me, boosted my faith, because I know that I live for a God that has a purpose for everything. Guess time will tell if I’m really peaceful…or just cuckoo.

Well, time to get moving on…I really appreciate each one of you as friends in my life. May God continue to bless you.

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The weekend report.

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Well, got back from Tucson, took a nap, and now gotta fold clothes and get ready for the week.

Had a great time with only one real drawback. Got down there Friday night, met a couple of Jeff and Marney’s friends who were staying in the same resort we did, had a pretty good time, and then it was time for bed. The beds in this place have to be the softest beds I have ever slept on. Normally, Bubba ain’t no soft bed man, but this was actually comfortable. It was soft, without having the feeling that I was sinking down into it.

Saturday rolls around, everyone sleeps in (thank God!) But none of us know quite what to do. Remembering that someone said the Desert Museum is a must see, I suggested it, and off we went. Had a great time, was outside for a bit, but there was some walking involved. Now, before I got sick, walking was one thing I could do all day, even if I am out of shape. However, it only took about an hour of light walking before I was so tired I could’ve crawled up on the sidewalk and went to sleep. I felt like the crippled kid that the others were dragging along. It wasn’t because of how they treated me…I mean, Jeff and Marney are some of the best friends a critter like me could have. But I couldn’t believe I was so…well, no other way to put it. Handicapped.

After that, had a quick lunch at the Pizza Hut buffet. Not being a fan of the Hut, I was actually pleased with what they had out. Then we went back to the condos, where (I think) all of us napped for a bit, before we went to the church to see Kent Hovind. Even though I had heard a lot of his jokes before, I laughed out loud again, as he did a wonderful presentation. Before I left, I got a comment that said I should tell him that his statistics were out of date. Well, even though I don’t think everything Dr. Hovind says is absolute truth, most (if not all) of his statistics were current as of 2004 or 2005, which isn’t bad considering how much travelling he does, and I’m sure he doesn’t have the time to continually update everything.

To wrap up the evening, we went back and grilled out some steaks, with salad, baked potatoes with sour cream and butter, some melt-in-your-mouth mushroom-stuffed pastries that we bought from Trader Joe’s, and finished it off with Lemon Creme Pie for good measure. Good stuff, fer sure.

This morning, we got up early and went back to the church to hear one more seminar by Dr. Hovind. Like I said, I don’t agree with everything he says, and this morning he started out with a couple of topics which I would consider controversial at the least, but got past that, and had a great time again. I think one of the highlights for me was seeing his paper airplane demonstration, where he shot some small paper airplanes at least a hundred feet, and probably much more. He says that you can get the template from his website, but right now I’m having a hard time pulling up the page.

Well, the rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. Lunch at Rubio’s (nummy!) and then back home. But to wrap up, I did want to thank Faith Community Church in Tucson for hosting Dr. Kent Hovind, and allowing us to come down and have a great time learning more about God’s creation. Have a great week, y’all, and God Bless You!

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Wrapping up the week.

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Well, it’s Friday. And thank God, because this has been a really hard week. Tuesday night I facilitated the support group I help run, Wednesday I went for a meeting downtown during work, Thursday I went for a drive (for some reason), and now tonight I’m going to Tucson with Jeff and Marney for the weekend to see Kent Hovind (click on the link if you don’t know who he is).

In some ways I feel a bit better, not quite as tired…and then there are times that I just don’t know how I’m going to make it. For instance, one of the things that concerned me during the week is a statement someone said during my support group meeting. Obviously I can’t go into any details, but a statement made during sharing time was “and his room was mental illness messy. Not normal 18 year old teenage male messy, but ‘mental illness’ messy.” To be brutally honest, I feel that my office area and bedroom at home are that messy. A lot of it is because I’m just too tired, and some of it is because I just don’t care. I’m going to have to keep an eye on that…especially since I can’t find the prescription that my doc wrote for the new antidepressant that should make me feel better.

NASCAR is out at PIR this weekend, and there’s a big part of me that wishes I could go. I get to have friendly battles with one of my co-workers, who happens to be a Jeff Gordon fan. Now, Bubba isn’t the Jeff Gordon-hater that a lot of people are, but you won’t find me rooting for the Rainbow Warrior anytime soon. I was lucky enough to have Matt Kenseth win the first NASCAR race I attended live, and so I’ve just kind of become a number 17 fan, the year before he won it all (2003).

Emotionally I’m finding myself becoming less and less interested in spending time with people, and I’m not sure exactly why. I also have been thinking about my ex-wife somewhat, and finding that I’m not as healed as I’d like to be. I try not to be wrapped up in myself…I keep reminding myself that I’m not on Earth to make myself happy, but to help others overcome the obstacles in their lives (my philosophy, folks.) However, I’m finding it harder and harder to crawl out of that shell. Hopefully the new drugs will help.

Well, guess I’m going to wrap this up for now…have a great weekend. God Bless.

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Useful quotes

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My friend Dennis goes through the trouble of putting together an inspirational email every day. There are a couple of quotes in this one that I thought I’d share.

“I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.”– Leo Rosten

Do not pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger men.
Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers; pray for powers equal to your tasks.
Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you yourself shall be a miracle.
Every day you shall wonder at yourself, at the richness of life which has come to you bythe grace of God. — Phillips Brooks

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Easter Updates

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Hi there. Just another night at Bubba’s Hotel, Restaurant, Tire Care, and Hair Salon. I’m your host, Unca Bubba. Hunker down, strap it in, and let’s listen to good ol’ Unca Bubba whine.

Well, I won’t whine about everything. I’m trying to focus less on how crappy I feel, and just get about livin until I die. But, all that said, I am going to start by telling you about my latest doctor visit. On the north side of Phoenix, Dr. Mahoubi is not by any means the closest doctor to me, but he was recommended by a co-worker that used to go to the same doctor I did. So, I went to the office, armed with about an inch-thick pad of medical records of all the tests that have been done so far. So, I sit down with him, and explain what’s been going on over the past year. As we talk, I rule out about everything that pops in his mind including thyroid, depression, valley fever, etc. About the only new thing that he has is that I should go to a rheumatologist to rule out lupus and some other things…but for now, he ran some more blood tests, and I go back in two weeks.

So, this IS Easter weekend, so I had a lot going on with church and friends. Friday I went to happy hour first to wish a co-worker well in her new job, and then I went out on a date with another co-worker. It was a nice date, had dinner at the Rainforest Cafe, and then went to see Ice Age 2. Not a bad movie, it had funny parts, but I guess I just wasn’t in the mood for animation. Of course, who knows what I was in the mood for…but that wasn’t it. It was a nice date, had a great time, but don’t know if there will be another. We’ll see…

On Saturday, church had a HUGE barbeque run by a guy that’s been in BBQ competitions and even on Food Network. So it was GOOOOD to say the least. Also went to dinner with a couple of friends, and then to another movie…this one called Thank You For Smoking. Not the most family-friendly movie to say the least, but very funny…has the same dry, sarcastic humor that I have.

Since I went to church on Saturday, Sunday I sat at home until it was time to go to our singles’ group potluck in Casa Grande. Yes, a bit of a drive, but not too bad, and had a good time with the few people that were there. After that, came home and went to bed, didn’t do much else for the rest of the night.

Today I went to my third hematologist, who informs me that a bone marrow biopsy is going to be the next test, besides the additional blood draw I have to get done sometime soon.

Other than that, I feel slightly better…don’t know what to attribute that to. The rest on Sunday…my attitude…who knows, but anymore I don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on why; I just kinda go with it.

Well, that’s about it for now, I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff I’m leaving out, but I have to be at work in less than 9 hours, so it’s bedtime. God Bless you all!

PS: My friend Jodi is going thru a LOT of stresses in her life right now. If you’re saying a prayer for me (or even if you’re not) please throw a prayer up for her and her family…

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Am I posting weekly…or weakly?

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Well, that’s for you to decide. Hiya, kids, Unca Bubba here…physically, anyhoo.

A somewhat eventful week. Last Friday, I had dinner with my good friends Jeff and Marney. Dinner turned into going over to their house to blow stuff up (aka computer games). Blowing stuff up turned into discussion time in their living room. 11:00 pm turned into 12:00 pm. 12:00 pm turned into ‘what do you mean it’s 1:40 in the morning???’ which meant Bubba spent the night. Which turned into blowing up some more stuff. Finally, about noon, decided to go home and sleep some, instead of wearing my welcome thin…hehehe

Then, I woke up around 8:00 on Saturday night, and remembered that there were some people from work going out that night. So I went out, found about 9 of my coworkers, and had a lot of fun. Don’t worry, I went home at 11:00, so I was only out for a couple of hours.

Sunday was Friend Day at my church, and A.C. Green was speaking. I ran the lights for all the morning services, so I got to listen to him 3 different times, and it got better each time. The funniest part of the morning, though, was seeing him face to face. Let Bubba explain what his pea-sized brain is trying to say. The production crew (that I’m part of) sits about 4 feet off the floor in a booth at the rear of the sanctuary. On either side of the booth is where people come in to get to their seats, or just hang out at the back wall. Because of the height difference, if I want to see someone coming in, I have to get out of my chair, stand up, and lean over. However, when Mr. Green came in and stood by the booth, I found myself at eye level with him…a different feeling, for sure. Anyhoo, check it out for yourself by clicking here.

Now, this is a lot of activity for good ol’ Unca Bubba…and I knew it. So, I pretty much did nothing the rest of the day on Sunday (except going to Cracker Barrel to eat lunch with more friends). So, I work Monday, and I know I’m really tired, but I just keep kickin myself in the bottom parts. Tuesday comes, and now I’m really tired. Off to Starbucks to get a huge dose of caffeine and sugar…hoping it’ll keep me awake for a few hours. Oh, and I’m supposed to be teaching a class between 8 and 12. However, I get to the classroom, and find that it had been rescheduled to 1 to 5. That’s nice, except for the fact that I only work till 4. I tell my boss, and she finds someone else. Good thing she did, too…because it’s apparent after about 15 minutes that unless God implants a caffeine IV drip into my arm, I’m not going to make it through the day. So, I let my bosses know I’m going home, and they didn’t seem real happy about it. I spent the rest of the day in bed, interrupted only by a phone call from my doc’s letting me know that I have an appointment tomorrow.

Wednesday comes, and I call in to work first thing. I know that I am NOT going to work today. Then I get awakened by a phone call from a friend who says she has some materials she wants me to give to the doctor about something that I can no longer remember. What I can remember is that the basic recommendations are that I change my antidepressant and add some over the counter stuff to my diet, and she says that it will possibly change my life. I certainly hope so! I pick up the article from her, and go to the doc’s office. First thing he tells me is that the previous information I gave him on Chlymadia Pneumonae is not trustworthy. He basically says that every once in a while someone comes up with a similar theory, only to find that extended treatment with the drugs they’re talking about (doxycyclene, flagyl) do not cure much of anything in the manner they’re advocating. He looks at the material I give him from my friend, and he says that he can go along with switching the antidepressant, so I should give it a go.

In spite of this, I’m not really optimistic about my long-term prognosis. So, I decide to talk to him about what happens if I keep feeling like this. He just keeps saying “you gotta keep fighting!” to which I reply “how exactly do I fight?” I described my weekend to him, and he was encouraged when I said I went dancing on Saturday night, and said that’s the right thing to do. I then mentioned to him that the activity which he was excited about put my butt in bed for a day and a half (at least). He just keeps saying “you gotta keep fighting! more exercise!” Then, I decided to bring it down to what-ifs, and I asked him what do I do if I find I can’t keep a job? His response? “Oh, don’t even talk that way. Once you lay down, you’ll never get back up, it’ll be all over.” I mean, what in the hell is that supposed to mean??? Is that where I am eventually headed? And if so, how do I work that out financially? I’m already about half a step worse than living paycheck to paycheck, paying money for medicines and doctors that don’t do crap for me.

Spiritually, I know that God is in control, and I know that He has a plan for my life, even if I can’t see it. But honestly, I’m about as depressed as I can get without thinking of suicide. Right now, I see no opportunity for improvement, no optimism, and I have no vision for the future. Even my job, which I saw at one time as a relative constant in my life, may eventually go away if I continue to take time off because I just can’t do anything.

Well, time to go to bed…hopefully I can get my carcass out of bed to make it in to work tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even stay for the whole day! Who knows? Well, thanks for listening…God Bless you.

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